maanantai 22. huhtikuuta 2013

take me drunk i am home

So I was in Tampere the other weekend. I was supposed to write something about it last week but I sorta forgot. Sorry. Anygays a lot of shit went down so I'm just gonna go into detail about one particular event that was both the most exhilarating and agonizing one I've experienced in a while.

It was a painfully bright morning after a long night of heavy drinking. I was in a room with about 20 other people who, like me, all smelled like sin and warm beer. I had promised to go check out a gig of a friend of mines and after ~10 hours of watching TV and complaining about my hangover I managed to get going. None of my company came with me but I was feeling confident enough to go by myself. I got to the venue on time and had a great time.
    Then it was time for the after party, which is when things got a bit more unnerving. I knew the spot where the after party was held was somewhere in the vicinity of the venue, but had no idea how to get there. I sorta squeezed my way into this group of guys who looked like they knew where to go. And they did indeed know the way, but chose the fastest route, which happened to be through a few fucking icebergs and railway tracks. Needless to say at this point I was fearing for my life and re-evaluating my life choices.
    We still managed to get to the spot (which was this really cool abandoned factory with good acoustics) but once we got there my heart was still racing and I felt uncomfortable. After an hour or so I decided to leave. 

Because I was feeling so fucking confident.
Biggest mistake ever.

    I walked what I considered as the right way for 30 minutes before realizing that i was walking on the motherfucking highway. Then, just as I had found the real right way, my iPhone ran out of power. I decided to trust my instincts and go right on ahead. I did this for closer to 2 hours before ending up at the exact same spot where I had started. I didn't know whether to cry or laugh so I did a little of both. Then I saw this dude (who was wearing protective eyewear for some reason lol u so avant garde) and asked him for directions. He pulls out his smartphone and starts typing. Thinking he was going to look up the right way on google maps I was thinking about telling him to stop because one of those things got me lost in the first place but then he started talking on the phone. He called a cab (which I had no money to pay for) and hung up the phone.
    We started talking and that's when I realized that he was a seriously fucked up crackhead. His method of forming phrases was by far the strangest I've ever witnessed. I only remember a few of the things he said but they went something like this:

Crackhead with goggles: "Nice weather out today it's not really nice but are you gay?"
Me: "Uh yeah it's foggy and yeah I am."
CWG: "That's cool I once had a dog."
Me: "Okay."
CWG: "[shouts really loud] EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I'm waiting for my friend but I don't know if he can hear me but luckily I have these goggles."

at this point I was really fearing for my life but I still got in the cab with him. He jumped off at some point without paying but the cab driver didn't bother trying to catch him because he was really scared of him too. He ended up taking me to my friends place for free. The next morning I woke up really dizzy and confused.

All in all it was a weekend full of seeing people I haven't seen in ages, drinking too much and getting acquainted with freaky people which at the end of the day is better than staying in bed all day.

Which is what I usually do on weekends.

I'm so wild.

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